He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Come see our sink grown plant.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
