I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
