she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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