the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize