Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Randomize
