I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
