And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
