So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
this is an emotional support booty call
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize