I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
