well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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