Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
