all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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