he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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