I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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