Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
