Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
