his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
