I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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