Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ttyl tear gas
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
