Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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