sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
