i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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