before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize