am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
