I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize