he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
