wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The Olympian is in my bed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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