I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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