she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
