How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
