i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
