sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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