Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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