i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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