shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
