??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize