I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
im on a boat
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