Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
