umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
