I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
