I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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