I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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