I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
