That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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