would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
