I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
