You're my little dorito
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize