Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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