We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
