Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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