i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
