I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
