yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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