He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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