omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
