I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You are a genius and a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
