I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
