I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
