can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
