people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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