The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
