I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
