Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
