we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
