Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
