I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
