I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
