Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
