my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
