I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
