You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize