Ambien. No doubt about it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
