He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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