we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
40s are totally the cure
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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