An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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