the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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