Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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