Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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