My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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