covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize