Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
