Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
