My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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