Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
