honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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