Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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