you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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