i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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