I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
