mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
