I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
