Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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