Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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