Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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