pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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