Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
