then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
