just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
