Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
