I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
