the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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