I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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