the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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